


stop jerking off to my puke you bastard

by creamgoth (redgoth)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Discussion of kinks, Emetophilia, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Masturbation, Masturbation in Bathroom, PWP, Trans Deidara, Trans Male Character, Vomiting, that's a tag? fun., the LIGHTEST touch of feelings and emotions, uhh hidan and alcohol don't mix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-26 21:56:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18186236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redgoth/pseuds/creamgoth
Summary: "wait, am i the sub in this relationship?""i don't know about the sub, but the masochist for sure.""whaaat? no way.""i'm not the one who asks to be carved up during sex."





	stop jerking off to my puke you bastard

**Author's Note:**

> technically this takes place in a college AU i have going but i'm not gunna. connect them. these can stay separate from that. for now. anyways.
> 
> in honor of how i missed work yesterday because i threw up in the restroom, have hidan puking up a lung and deidara getting off on his pain.

💥

Deidara sat in the empty bathtub, legs kicked out over the side, picking at his shittily painted nails, as Hidan heaves into the toilet beside him.

The silver haired man’s shoulders shake, and he lets out disgruntled groans as he sits back, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. From the tub, Deidara lets out a little snicker, earning him a tired glare.

“You’re such a baby.” He murmurs.

“Fuck off.” Hidan huffs. Deidara grins.

“How are you so bad at handling your liquor?” He asks as he flicks a fleck of polish off his nail.

“Fuck off.” Hidan repeats, letting out another groan, which quickly turns into a heave, and he’s back to throwing himself over the toilet, hacking up the remains of last night’s mistakes. His head rests on the rim as he takes shallow breaths, trying to get a hold of himself.

Deidara lets out a little hum, pressing his foot to Hidan’s back in mock comfort, and the man gurgles in response.

“Stop touching me with your feet.” He grunts.

“I’m comforting you.” Deidara grins coyly. Hidan shoots him a glare.

_ “Touching  _ me with  _ feet.” _ He repeats. Deidara laughs, and only then moves to readjust himself in the tub. Takes in the way his friend’s shoulders tremble, just barely, groggy eyes that slip shut through labored breaths.

“You know,” Deidara says, leaning against the edge of the tub, chin resting in palm, “I could totally get off to you like this.”

Hidan opens his eyes only enough give him a half-disgusted look.

“Gross.” Is all he manages.

Deidara shrugs his shoulders, giving him a little smirk. “What can I say?” He sighs, “I’m a sadist.”

Hidan grunts, eyes slipping shut once more. There’s a long moment of silence, before his face scrunches up, and he coughs. “Wait, ‘m I the sub of this relationship?” He asks.

Deidara bites down a little laugh. “I don’t know about the sub, man,” he runs a hand through unbrushed hair, shaking his head, “but the masochist for sure.”

“Whaat?” Hidan says. His shoulders sag a bit as he presses his forehead to the toilet seat. All his movements are a bit pained, and Deidara’s hand paws at his own chest under the loose pajama shirt. “No way.”

“So you think I’m the masochist?” He snickers, “I’m not the one who asks to be marked and cut up when we fuck.”

Hidan hesitates. He opens his eyes for a moment, staring blearily into nothingness. “You’ve let me slice you up a little bit.”

“Yeah.” Deidara agrees. He had little gashes sliced into his hip for what felt like weeks. “But  _ I’m _ not the one who’s balls deep asking to be cut up into pieces.”

Another silence. Deidara uses this time to let his free hand drift down to the hem of his shorts, rubbing himself through his underwear while his other hand continues to play with his chest. Hidan smacks the light switch and turns the fan on, blocking out just a little of the blond’s soft noises. 

He strokes his clit through the soft cloth, relaxing a bit in the tub, pressing back against the porcelain. Little gasps slip out as his pinches his nipples, as his fingers press against the dampening fabric of his crotch.

Hidan sighs through his nose, pulling Deidara’s attention to him. He had a way of doing that, the bastard.

He was shirtless, having stripped down to his boxers after the first wave of nausea, sitting on his knees bent over the toilet bowl. Nicks from Deidara’s pocket knife littered his back, (his chest, his thighs, his hips, as well,) a few deeper ones catching Deidara’s eyes amidst his own pleasuring.

_'MINE'_ was carved into his shoulder blade, twelve heavy cut that made Deidara throb at the memory of Hidan on his stomach, Deidara straddling his hips as he carved little things into his shoulders, racked his dull nails down the pale skin of Hidan's back. He holds back a little moan, as his hand finally slips past his underwear, skin on skin as a quiet gasp falls from his lips.

They weren’t… together. They were friends. They were best friends, as far as either of them were concerned. Friends with benefits. Fuck buddies. They weren't exclusive and they weren't dating. They were friends.

Something about the four letter word made his stomach crawl. Two fingers move in circles against his clit and he moans, quiet but heady and he catches Hidan’s eyes on him. He closes his own. Something about those four letter words made him shaky.

“Gonna come?” Hidan asks.

Deidara’s shoulders jolt and he tucks his chin to his chest. “Hmm.” He whines.

As violet eyes stare him down, they hold contact for a brief moment. Deidara lets out another moan, trembling as he comes, continuing to rub and stroke his clit through orgasm.

When he comes down from his high, Hidan’s eyes are still on him. His huffs out a breath. Then another.

“You’re gross.” Hidan says. There’s the bare bones of a smile on his lips, and Deidara sticks his tongue out at him.

“And what about it, hmm?” He replies, baring his teeth.

Hidan lets out what can only be described as a giggle. “Nothin’.” He says. “Hot.”

💥

They leave the bathroom not long after. They shower together, nothing too sexual minus the new hickeys that litter Deidara’s collarbone. Nothing too much as he watches soapy suds wash over the four letter word carved into Hidan’s back. Nothing too much.

When they leave the bathroom and wander back to Hidan’s room, they find Zetsu standing over a pot of… something, in the kitchen.

They have headphones on, large and bulky, and Hidan barely hides a little snicker. Their movement catches Zetsu’s eyes, and they glare the two down. Deidara shrugs his shoulders. Hidan grins. They disappear into the bedroom. They stay there for god knows how long.

💥


End file.
